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First of seven parts: The war in Afghanistan is one of the longest in U.S. history, but Elizabeth Woods knew little about it. Then she fell in love with a soldier. Now she is part of a sisterhood of women whose husbands have died in the war on terror. This is Elizabeth’s story, of love and war, heartbreak and healing.

http://www.charlotteobserver.com/2010/09/26/1718864/the-war-widow.html

Read more: http://www.charlotteobserver.com/2010/09/26/1718864/the-war-widow.html#ixzz10dfNUHtB
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Waxhaw Woman Helps Other Military Widows Heal

July 11, 2010

 http://www.foxcharlotte.com/news/top-stories/Waxhaw-Woman-
Helps-Other-Military-Widows-Heal.html

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SOUL WIDOWS

MONROE -- Her daughter was seven months old when her husband, Brian, was injured in Afghanistan. She flew to Germany to be at his side in the few days before he went off life support.

“I was in bed for about six weeks, feeling like my life was over,” Waxhaw resident Elizabeth Woods said.

Woods, 28, moved from Virginia Beach, Va., to North Carolina where her sister lives. She looked for resources to ease the grief, but couldn’t find any that hit home. 

That’s when she decided to start her own group, Soul Widows, specifically for widows under 65.

Because most spouses are lost in the late stages of life, she said, young widowhood is rarely talked about.

“You haven’t gotten the opportunity to have 20, 30 years of somebody,” she said, and sometimes feels “out of place” in mother’s groups when other women talk about their husbands.

“I can’t relate to that anymore.”

Woods and her husband were married for two and a half years.

It was five years for Erica Kim.

Kim, 30, was ready to be a stay-at-home mom two years ago, but the plan crumbled with news that her husband and high school sweetheart — died in a motorcycle accident.

“I couldn’t breathe,” she said, and told the troopers at the door that they must be joking.

“You think of widows as 80-year-olds, not 30-year-olds,” she said, adding that some people are uncomfortable with the idea of young widowhood.

“This could happen to them, and they don’t want to think about that,” she said.

Casey Robertson, 39, didn’t want to think about her own circumstances when her husband died unexpectedly in November 2008. 

The couple was together for eight years but married for only two weeks when she came home from a week of out-of-town work to find that he died in his sleep.

They spoke the night before.

“I was coming home to begin our lives together as a married couple,” she said. “It was such a shock. ... I was absolutely broken. ... People say ‘it will get better with time’ ... or ‘he’s in a better place,’ and there’s no place to share ... the grief.” 

It doesn’t help when people tell a widow “at least you’re young” or ask when she will start dating again, Kim said.

Robertson would suppress her grief to be around people or suffer by herself, but eventually realized that “you don’t have to be alone.”

As the women tackle bills, dinner, child care, yard work and in-laws on their own, they find solace in sticking together through Soul Widows.

“It’s great to connect with other people who get it,” Kim said. 

Having people who know what they are going through and a place to vent frustrations and grief breaks the isolation and brings empowerment, the women said.

From Soul Widows comes “a strength and a fierceness,” said Robertson, who discovered a courage she didn’t know she had. She also spends more time focusing on the more important things in life.

“It’s brought me a lot of healing just knowing that I’m going to be able to help other women,” Woods said. “This will eventually get lighter. ... It is possible to find joy again.”

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